DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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