I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
