Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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