turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
