from now on my penis is your penis
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
