It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
