I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
