I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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