but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
