But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
