i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
