her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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