There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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