I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
