its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
