i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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