Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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