Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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