I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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