yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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