While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize