I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
