I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
