no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
