My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
