Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
