i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
