i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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