Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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