Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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