I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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