He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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