Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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