how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
