from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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