My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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