If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
People in love make me want to vomit
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
