We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
