he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
