____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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