no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
