I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
