I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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