I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
