ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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