I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hippo gnu deer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
