I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
