I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
