if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
