Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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