I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
