I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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