went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
