All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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