Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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