we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
