If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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