what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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