WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
