we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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