At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
did you just send me my own nude
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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