do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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