Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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