I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
