I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
