why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
