3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
