i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
