Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
