I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
