The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
