i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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