He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
as a side note pls kill me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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