remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
