So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
