sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
