look no pants
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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