im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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