i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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