brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
