Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
